Equivocal.

We live as one, breathe as one, achieve as one. And yet somehow, we still cannot figure out how we've been doing so for the last umpteen years. Our paths do not coincide but we still manage to walk this parallel road we've built from our morals, beliefs and desires.
Through time, we've come to learn who we are, what we want and succumb to the pinnacle of selfishness. Our priorities preponderate the needs and well-being of the other party and come out the other end with our heads held high, a smile of satisfaction and gratitude, because we've gained the pleasure of walking over something we like to call paramour.
We've spun ourselves a web of broken promises, unspoken words. And the only thing I've got to fall back on is this hallucination of an ideal reality. I soliloquise to myself more than often, more than needed all because of something so damn simple but yet, we cannot even grasp a hold of. We've lost the ability to compromise.
I thought it was better than this. Part of me still believes in the better days and holds onto it ever so dearly. But through everything "endured" lately, this is what I've come to and what I've been able to deduce.  I've lost the person I am through the conflicts I've encountered with you.

If you say so.

I wanted to get out of your hair, but you pulled me back in.
When you wanted me to leave, I tried to fight for you.
You left me all alone to fight this battle.
You threw my heart around and had me figure out where we were
And
what you meant to me.
I was blinded by love; I couldn't give up. I didn't want to lose this fight.
When you had enough of the distance, you came crawling back.
Begged me to stay,
And
that you would love me more than you did before.
Then you leave me again.
All alone.
And tell me you still love me.

You're a mix tape of emotions.

Cascade

The most complicated thing I dwell over could be seen as the most simple thing and not worth even pondering about for even a second. But it's those simple things I always find myself never giving a second chance. After many, many, many times of not looking at the simple things, I've learnt. And from this, I've decided to give a damn about these stupid simple things. If I neglect these simple things, it's catastrophic. If I leave it and sweep it under the rug, the mess grows. But if I tackle the simple things without any "real" intention, I get called stupid; told it's not worth my time, it's not worth the effort. Then I leave it and as expected, this shit builds up and it gets to a point where it becomes an undefeated mess.

This doesn't make sense anymore.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

You look around
wanting
wishing
hoping
knowing
that it could never be more.

We cannot ever be

anything more than we are now, because I'm afraid.
What you are is something I cannot ever be. What I am is something you will never be.
We're running around in circles chasing this dream, holding onto something we've nurtured into something so mature. And yet, the both of us are still so immature. Quite a juxtaposition, isn't it?
But mind you, I'm diverting away from old habits and from this, this thing we have will grow and simultaneously, we will too.
Some day, some way, some how. With or without you, I will make this work.

wanted but not needed 

vs 

needed but not wanted

Wondering and waiting.

how long will you keep me wondering
thinking of what might be
drowning in this abyss
waiting for you to salvage me

how long will you keep me wondering
lost for words and hope
holding on for seems to be nothing
waiting for the desired long gone mope

how long will you keep me waiting
your feelings i need you to exhibit
in dire hope's feet i place myself
have you wonder if i am worth it

One day

How different things would have (and could have) been if I didn't let my stupid, stubborn, selfish self push you away. I thought it was all for the better, and maybe I was right. But now I'm left here thinking, wondering, and pining over how things might have been between us. I am beating myself up because deep down I know that it was destined for something amazing.
Maybe we'll be able to rekindle this thing we once had. However, there's this part of me that knows that it will never happen. We've left it for too long and the damage is irreversible. One day though perhaps. One can only hope.

INSPIRATION.

Inspiration is an easy concept, isn't it? We think, feel, imagine. We gaze into what our minds concoct, at what lies before us and that trickle of sensation brings about inspiration. It's a hard thing to define. Being inspired delves into the roots of each individual. It allows us to achieve beyond what we set our minds it, forming the basis of our drive and motivation. But what do you do when everything you look at, everything you think about, everything you feel and imagine, everything you thought that you were and who you could become, results in nothing more than a dying flame? You're left wondering about the person you use to be, lost in the process of searching for what defines you and as a consequence, waesdfghaegasutflkawglakjg. Yes, I'm lost for words.

Simplicity.

Reading. Cooking. Chillaxing (BRO).

My life in a nutshell. And it's great.

Cool. Coolcoolcool.

Gravity

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do 
I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much 
than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're onto me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while
and all my fragile strength is gone.

Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're onto me and all over me.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see 
that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down