You're pushing me back.

I’m losing who I am and everything that I love is slowly slipping away. I thought I had a passion to chase, a dream to attain. Was I stringing myself along to believe these things because of these ridiculous expectations bestowed upon me?

I’m lacking the motivation, perseverance, and interest to cling onto the willpower that makes things happen. It’s like I don’t even care if I end up nowhere. Right now, all I want is a break from everything.

Four.

It still feels so unreal.
I know what's happened has happened, but I still cannot bring myself to accept reality. I still look for you, I still hear you, I still feel you.

It shouldn't be this way.

I don’t know what is going on. I keep dreaming of you. I see a world I want to be in, one where your presence feels so real; a world where your passing was just a hoax because you felt trapped and wanted to get away; you wanted to feel a change.

I actually don’t know anymore. I feel so disheartened. I really don’t want to carry on anywhere. I don’t even know what the purpose of my existence is. Maybe this is just a phase, but how long are phases meant to last? I keep struggling to climb out of this trench. I’m tangled in a web of emotions and a fabrication of what reality should be.