Heart's pain

Choked up and suffocating in these thoughts of uncertainty you have left me to swim in. No matter how hard i am trying, it feels as though my efforts have rendered me moot. Just give me something, anything... even if it's the smallest glimpse of hope. I just don't want to dragged around on a thread of what could be fabricated by my head, dreaming of a reality, a future, when all this could be is simply a waste of time.

I still can't bring myself to forgive you.
I don't think I ever can.

I thought being with you would make things better. Truth is, i feel just as lonely.

You were the last person who i thought could ever hurt me.

I didn't want to need you. But I've let myself down yet again; I've let myself fall into that trap of longing. This was the last place I ever wanted to be in with you. I'm choking.. but I'm going to just going to go by and pretend that nothing's wrong.

You've left me nothing with more than a sense of self worthlessness. What we had was toxic and i cannot believe i had let you shaped me into the person i am today. It was a mistake to have ever let you step foot into my life.

Smitten

There I stood, frozen in disbelief. To hear those words, the very few that bestow the power to etch what could feel like indefinite happiness (far beyond than what the mind could ever dream of) echoed in the surrounding darkness. As you gazed deeply into my eyes, nothing more than the truth was revealed in that moment of a split second.

Empty

I'm letting this get the best of me. It has consumed all that I have left in  me to fight.

I dont want to miss you.
I dont want to feel the need of you.

I want to be able to make it on my own.

If when and if ever I come to say those words of promise, comprimise and sacrifice, I hope with all my heart it'll mean indefinitely.

You're a spectator of this self of mass destruction. Impossible to salvage, far beyond repairable. I've grown dim, I am close to burning out. You won't be able to catch me; i am falling, falling so fast.

S

At one point in time, i thought you were the best thing to have ever happened to me. Now im starting to think that you were the worst, and i'm sorry to have ever met you.

And if we turned back time could we learn to live right

We broke
Everything that was right
We both enjoyed a good fight
And we solved
All the holes we had to breathe
To make the other one leave

And I loved the way you looked at me
And i miss the way you made me feel
When we were alone
When we were alone

and I'll shiver just for you
And I'll leave him just for tou
And i'll shiver just for you
And I'll leave him just for you

We stole
Every moment we had to make
To make the other one feel bad
And we hoped
That we could be what we knew
We'd never We'd never turn out to be real

Perhaps I'm blinded by these rose tinted glasses...but for as long as I am happy I will not complain nor will I accentuate the drama.

For the first time in months, i find myself defeated; wallowing in self pity, drowning in hysterical puddle of tears.
There's no one to blame really. I did this to myself. But if only now if I could find a way out, or if someone could lend me a hand out of this pit and help me mend my broken self.. or even somewhat restore minimally what was there before..

RFLCT

I have the tendency to worry about the little things in life, things that are beyond my control.
I can't help it though, I've let you permeate through this membrane I've manufactured out of the negativity of encountered misfortunes to protect myself from doubt and despair. And you've done it; you've torn me inside out, you've worn me out. I cannot believe how stupid I was to ever let you in my life. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret any of it. But you have stolen the most integral cog to my network. Without it, I just simply cannot function properly. And what sucks most is I know that I will never get it back.

2.0

It's been a long journey and we've been stuck in the same place for a while now. It is now time for us to part ways, depart this heart-wrenched nightmare of misery and move on.

I'm sad. It hurts. But I don't want to be miserable anymore.

moving on

It's one tragedy to say that you will never love me like you use to, it's an even greater tragedy to know that you will never love me any better than you do now.