6 years

I've changed jobs multiple times

Figured out my career path

Found my courage, my strength, my willingness

Found my forever.

But somehow, part of me won't let you go. I find myself digging up our past, hunting for what's left of you.

There are days you don't cross my mind, there are days you are on the forefront of my mind. And when I can't rid these thoughts of you, I get pings of anxiety and sadness.

I think about all that we could have done.

I think about all that we had then.

And I feel guilty.

Because I shouldn't be thinking about you. 

You're gone.

I've moved on.
I can't help but feel like I'm spiralling, gasping for breath as I climb my way out this darkness.

It's been 6 years. Why can't I just let you go?

you were what i wanted
you were what i needed
then one day
you disappeared forever
and hurt everyone that loved you
but mostly,
you hurt our love
you hurt my heart
it was beyond repair

Just a little messy today.

Waiting is the hardest part; it is the most gut-wrenchingly painful part.

1234

'Sit tight. Hang on just a little longer' she whispered to herself. She knew she had to wait, she was unaware of the repercussions. She grew more anxious as the days drifted by slowly and painfully, choked up all on her self doubt. This was messy, she knew that it would be.

Remnants are scattered all around the floor. She desperately gathers the pieces, impatiently trying piece together the puzzle of the situation with only a thread of hope that it'll arrive at a masterpiece. She was determined to get through this, but part of her feels the uncertainty weighing down on her shoulders.

'Sit tight. Hang in just a little longer' she whispered to herself. Days were starting to look good again. She only has a small battle left. But she's worn out, she's exhausted. She doesn't know how much more strength she can muster up, she doesn't know if she can go on. She closes her eyes, inhales deeply, holds her breath momentarily, exhales with a big relief. She remembers why she was fighting, she remembers why she was holding on.

'It will be worth it' she tells herself over and over. It is almost over.