Long gone

It's been a little over three months since you've gone. I'm not going to lie; it's been tough. Emotional mayhem took its toll and got the best of me. These last few months have been hell and I'm still trying to find my way out of this train-wreck.
Why did you have to leave?

Doubt thou that stars are fire;
Doubt thou that the sun doth move;
Doubt the truth to be a liar;
But never doubt that I love.

I sit here day after day, composing a series of letters to a figure whose presence no longer exists in this world.

Take me with you, I surrender.

I thought that I was ready to move on and embark on the journey to recovery. But the road is subjected to many obstacles. No matter which diverging route I take, I find myself ending up on a converging road taking me back to square one. All my efforts are rendered moot.
Every time I think about you or look through the box of memories I have kept in a place for you, I'm brought to tears. I thought that I was going to be okay after a few months, but here I am still pining for you. Truth is, I am exhausted of trying to get by. I really need you but you coming back is a cold harsh statement; it is never going to happen.

This isn't happening.

Not so long ago, I dreamt of the person that I yearn for so deeply. It was kind of relieving to be able, in a sense, see them again. It's like every aching muscle in my body is fighting to hold onto what I can imagine is left, whatever is left.
To be honest, I fear that I will end up hating myself as I allow your face to become one of those others in the crowd. You have always been that beacon of shining light I have needed, the shoulder I could cry on; you were so bold and bright, nothing sheltered your existence. Effortlessly, you stood out and shone out among the rest.
I don't want to forget you, I can't forget you.