Take me with you, I surrender.

I thought that I was ready to move on and embark on the journey to recovery. But the road is subjected to many obstacles. No matter which diverging route I take, I find myself ending up on a converging road taking me back to square one. All my efforts are rendered moot.
Every time I think about you or look through the box of memories I have kept in a place for you, I'm brought to tears. I thought that I was going to be okay after a few months, but here I am still pining for you. Truth is, I am exhausted of trying to get by. I really need you but you coming back is a cold harsh statement; it is never going to happen.

This isn't happening.

Not so long ago, I dreamt of the person that I yearn for so deeply. It was kind of relieving to be able, in a sense, see them again. It's like every aching muscle in my body is fighting to hold onto what I can imagine is left, whatever is left.
To be honest, I fear that I will end up hating myself as I allow your face to become one of those others in the crowd. You have always been that beacon of shining light I have needed, the shoulder I could cry on; you were so bold and bright, nothing sheltered your existence. Effortlessly, you stood out and shone out among the rest.
I don't want to forget you, I can't forget you.

Illusions.

Everything tangible has fallen apart and there isn't even the slightest chance of it coalescing ever again.

It's the end.

I like walking around this old and empty house.

Closing my eyes only replays the events when we last saw each other. the horrifying thought of opening them again bestows me upon some unfathomable reality; a world I no longer want to be in. I feel as though life has lost its true essence the very moment we parted.
There is honestly nothing more in the world I could want but to relive those last few moments once again. If only I could see you, feel you, hear you once more (to have you back really...), would make me truly and indefinitely happy.
Days are getting hard again and I cannot believe what has become of me. I don't know how I became so attached to you over time. Am I a complete fucking idiot for falling completely head over heels for you?