Negative steps

I've been trying to contain my thoughts of you - it was working until now. As I slip into a slumber every night, you seldom cross my mind. However, you made your way into my dreams last night and all this progress I've made in the last four years now, is counteracted; rendered moot. Are you hiding? Waiting to be found? Or even reappear at my most inconvenience? Or simply, are you just a manifestation of my guilt ridden self for neglecting you? Either way, whatever is deemed to be true, I don't want to be engaged with this emotional turmoil any longer. I'm not saying that I want to rid you (as you were incredibly important to me), but I'm left empty when I wake. The days I had yearned for your presence and warmth constantly linger my mind whenever these events reoccur. Today's no different. Yes, I do miss you. More than I'd hate to admit. But life has hidden you away from this world and won't let me see you again. Ever.

After this downfall series of events, you still manage to sweep me off my feet. How I ever got so lucky, I will never know.

Now I'll never know whether it was genuine or an act to satisfy my distasteful needs. I didn't know how much you could hurt me, but your words wounded my heart.

I didn't think these feelings would resurface; my inner being begs to differ. It's consuming me. Yet again, I find myself wallowing in despair, choking on this lump of sadness residing in my throat  as I ever so desperately try to hold back the tears from welling out of my eyes.

Trying to remember how to feel when I've forgotten how to, what I should be, why I should be