Today

I feel lost

I feel sad

I feel trapped

I feel human.

6 years

I've changed jobs multiple times

Figured out my career path

Found my courage, my strength, my willingness

Found my forever.

But somehow, part of me won't let you go. I find myself digging up our past, hunting for what's left of you.

There are days you don't cross my mind, there are days you are on the forefront of my mind. And when I can't rid these thoughts of you, I get pings of anxiety and sadness.

I think about all that we could have done.

I think about all that we had then.

And I feel guilty.

Because I shouldn't be thinking about you. 

You're gone.

I've moved on.
I can't help but feel like I'm spiralling, gasping for breath as I climb my way out this darkness.

It's been 6 years. Why can't I just let you go?

you were what i wanted
you were what i needed
then one day
you disappeared forever
and hurt everyone that loved you
but mostly,
you hurt our love
you hurt my heart
it was beyond repair

Just a little messy today.

Waiting is the hardest part; it is the most gut-wrenchingly painful part.